


Cookies

by RedRosella



Category: Video Blogging RPF, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Girl Scouts, Humor, Pure Crack, and do not trust the Girl Scouts and their evil temptations, do not take this seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-10 23:44:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18418373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedRosella/pseuds/RedRosella
Summary: The Egos get a knock on the door.They never should have opened it.





	Cookies

Ego Inc existed between two worlds. It residented in a fold in the fabric of reality, only able to be seen by those who wanted to see it. Otherwise, it was completely imperceptible. Just a blank space in one’s mind, something they were unable to dwell on.

It made the building a good place to hide in, barring the egos from the outside world unless they chose to go into it. And really, that was a good thing. The egos were not made for interacting with humans, unless they wanted things to go terribly wrong. Maybe some of the more calm and less murderous egos could fit in out there if they wanted, but there was always the sense that they were out of place. Like they weren’t meant to be there. Ego Inc was the only place where that feeling went away- probably because it was the same as them. A building that wasn’t meant to be there.

All of this meant that no one ever came to the building. The only people in the outside world who knew about it were Mark and his friends, and even then only Mark popped in hesitantly every once in awhile just to make sure they weren’t planning on destroying the world or anything. How foolish that he thought he could stop them even if they were. He just felt misplaced guilt for bringing them into existence in the first place and potentially endangering those around him- not even really worrying about himself despite the fact that he was a main target. He was just too selfless. It rubbed Dark the wrong way.

But that was neither here nor there.

What mattered was that one fateful day in March, no one should have rung the doorbell. Mark would never willfully alert everyone to his presence like that, so it couldn’t have been him. Any ego that went out and about had a key- and even if they lost it, Dark didn’t think that anyone even realized they had a doorbell. They’d sooner break down the door because they were idiots. It couldn’t have been anyone they knew. 

Everyone who was sitting in the longue was immediately on guard, tensed and ready for something to go down. Wilford on Dark’s left had already pulled out his gun, pointing it at the door like it was possessed and he could shoot the ghost away. Bim, Dr. Iplier, and King of the Squirrels looked ready to run away, halfway out of their seats. The Googles just stared at the door, watching it carefully, fully prepared for something to bust through. Bing looked like he was trying to do the same, but looked more lost than anything.

Dark stood up, taking the lead. His blue and red shell grew larger, sending out his senses to figure out just what was behind the door. There was just one lifeform- not a full scale attack on them. But one person could be their own army if they were powerful enough.

Dark slowly walked over to the door, careful not to show any emotion. It would do not good to let whoever was on the other side of the door think that they had caught them off guard.

He opened the door, and was met with the chubby cheeks and pigtails of a ten year old girl wearing a green vest. 

“Hi! I’m selling cookies for the Girl Scouts!” The girl cheerfully greeted them, causing all of the egos to pause. Sure enough, behind her she was carting along a wagon with the colorful confectioneries stacked on top of each other. 

Dark stood blankly for a second, not sure what to do. He almost never froze, but… He was not prepared for this. He had half a mind to slam the door closed, but there was something stopping him.

“Oh! Can I have twenty of your finest Do-Si-Dos?” Wilford asked in his characteristic slur, wagging his eyebrows as he ran over to the door.

“You can’t have twenty boxes Wilford. That’s not healthy,” Dr. Iplier chastised him.

“Who says they’re for me?” He gave a smirk that no one wanted to try to decipher. 

Dark frowned, giving Wilford a glare that clearly told him not to order more cookies.

How could someone find their residence without knowing it existed? He could only be thankful that no one would believe this girl if she mentioned it, given it’s secretive nature, and thankful that she didn’t seem aware of Mark’s channel.

Dark stared down at the girl. “How did you find this place?” He asked straightforwardly.

“I just needed to find a place to sell more cookies!” The girl replied cheerfully. It was like she wasn’t even aware of the several malicious prescences she was facing.

“It is impossible to see this place unless you know we are here. How did you know about us?”

“I felt someone in need of cookies! The Girl Scouts have to be there for anyone who wants them.” The girl flashed a ten megawatt smile.

“I did have a hankering for some of those delicious do-si-dos early today…” WIlford pondered, tapping his chin with his gun.

“Wilford put that away! Don’t be a bad influence on the children!” Bim hissed under his breath. 

Dark wondered if there was a supernatural force occurring here. If these Girl Scouts were able to find them no matter where they were, just because they wanted some of their things. Maybe they too had help from dark forces, pushing their food for profit, recruiting young kids into their legions to further their goals... 

It seemed crazy, but Dark could just…  _ feel _ some kind of energy in this girl’s presence. Like he needed to buy something from her. Like her eyes were drawing him in, promising delicious delights in exchange for just a few dollars.

He was not usually one to fall for tricks, too astute and aware of dark prescences to fall victim, but there was something different about the allure of cookies. They were just cookies, what could the harm be? It wasn’t like they were asking for souls in exchange. Which was good, because Dark didn’t think egos had souls to give. But that wasn’t the point, because the egos were absolutely not going to fall for this dark temptress’ sweets. They were stronger than the pleading eyes of a child with her lip poking out in a pleading way, looking impossibly adorable for what a ten year old should be. 

“I’d like some Savannah Smiles, dude,” Bing broke the silence, causing Dark to glare at him, but was quickly outnumbered

“I’m King of The Squirrels.”

“King would like some Tagalongs. He says they have good peanut butter,” Bim translated. “I would also like some toffees,” he added sheepishly.

“The Host would like some s’mores,” The Host spoke up, appearing in the foyer without warning. Did he hear the siren call of cookies too?

“We do not need to eat, but we have decided to get some Trefoils,” the main Google said.

“Of course you chose the most boring option,” Bing whispered under his breath.

“It may not be the most healthy option, but I think I’ll have some Samoas,” Dr. Iplier pitched in.

Despite how powerful the egos were, not even they could resist when the Girl Scouts came knocking at the door. 

 

\---

 

They ended up buying the whole wagon.

That night Dark sat in his room and decided that they were never opening the door for another anyone ever again, lest another Girl Scout found them and bled them dry of all their money.

He cracked open a box of thin mints.

**Author's Note:**

> I was a girl scout for a long time. I went door to door selling cookies, stood outside of shops shilling my goods off on unsuspecting people. I know the irresistible temptation of girl scouts cookies, and yet I will still buy them whenever I see them.  
> Do not trust the girl scouts, They are controlled by dark forces that will make you buy their cookies without a shred of guit. They WILL make you buy their cookies, and you WILL be satisfied.  
> Do. Not. Trust. Them.
> 
> (In all seriousness, I’ve had this idea for a good year, and only finally just decided to write it out. It turned out a lot darker than I imagined before writing it XD Maybe the girl scouts really do have some dark forces in them.   
> I hope this was funny and not traumatizing.)


End file.
